Husband of the Year

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Yahoo Answers

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Hair Removal

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Scuba Diving Dog

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Bored in the Office

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Government Business Policy

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Government Business Policy 

 

It is the month of June, on the shores of the Black Sea. It is raining, and the little town looks totally deserted. It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town. He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter, and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.

The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.

The Butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.

The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.

The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town prostitute that in these hard times, gave her services on credit.

The prostitute runs to the hotel, and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.

The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that the rich tourist will not suspect anything.

At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the rooms, and takes his 100 Euro note, after saying that he did not like any of the rooms, and leaves town.

No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and looks to the future with a lot of optimism.

Different Ages and Thinking

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HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy.
Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son.
I was so scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.
Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up.
I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years
My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the first stage.
 

Haters Gonna Hate

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Soccer Foul Faking

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Girsl Take on Guys

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Hilarious Winter Prank

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Pneumatic!!!!!!!

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Ice Tricks

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What the ******?

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TweetFire

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iPhone4 vs HTC-Funny

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Annoying Orange-Remix

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Lightning in Slow Motion

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Ball Trick

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Cat on Slide

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The Size of Planets

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Mountain top Golf

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Backflip

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Swallowing Live Pigeon

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Heavy Metal Kid

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TENSION

Ladki ne aapse lift mangi,
Raste mein uski tabiat kaharab ho gai.
Aapko TENSION !!

Aap hospital le gaye,
Doctor bola – aap baap banne wale ho
Aapko TENSION !!

Aap bole – Mai iska baap nahi !
Phir ladki se pucha
Ladki boli – yehi baap hai.
Aapko aur TENSION.

Phir police ayi
Aapka medical check up hua.
Report aayi.
Aap to kabhi baap hi nahi ban sakte.
Aapko aur TENSION !!

Aap ne khuda ka shukar ada kiya aur aap Khushi Khushi ghar gaye !

Aur phir socha Ki ghar pe jo bachchay hai
Wo kiske hai…????????

Ye le ek aur TENSION !!!!!!  

Online Chatting

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Online chatting....... (Toooooooooooooooo goood)
 
A Guy WAS chatting with a female (never met her directly) - Online chat.
 
(Background, both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big MNC's )
 
Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
 
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat
 
Hero: wow...am honored, u know what, my day starts only when I find you on Chat
 
Female: Yep...me too feel the same....Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
 
Hero: OK(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
 
Manager: Hey, I need some help from you
 
Hero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
 
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
 
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]
 
(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)
 
Female: Hey, am back
 
Hero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
 
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
 
Hero: Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
 
Hero: *smiles* sure, why not.
 
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number; given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work this out
 
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Urmail in an hour from now. ok?


Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!!
 

Why Teachers are So Stressed

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Why Teachers are So Stressed...check it out!

 

When in School we always wondered why teachers always seemed so mad
Now we know the reason….coz they are so stressed out kids, Why??????? Read below the essays to know

   
             


Want more?................... Check out these Mathematics geniuses…

.

     




               



               





               




               

Corporate Quotes

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Corporate Quotes

"As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday, and employees will receive their cards in two weeks."
(This was the winning quote from Fred Dales, Microsoft Corp. in Redmond WA )

"What I need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter."
(Lykes Lines Shipping)

"E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business."(Accounting manager, Electric Boat Company)
"This project is so important we can't let things that are more important interfere with it."(Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

"Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule."(Plant Manager, Delco Corporation)

"No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months.Now go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them."(R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

Quote from the boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say."(Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

"We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees."(Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

DOG SNOW BOARDING

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DOG SNOW BOARDING

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Deer Nom Nom

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Deer Nom Nom

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Surprise Santa Lands on a Beer Table

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Surprise Santa Lands on a Beer Table

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Kid Kicking Soccer

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Kid Kicking Soccer

Soccer Trick

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Soccer Trick

Cat on Helicopter

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Cat on Helicopter

Moving Head

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Kitten Moving Head

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Kitten falling asleep

Envelope Opener

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 Envelope Opener

Rat Attacking Cat

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Rat Attacking Cat

Kitten in a Tube

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Fox Hunting in The Snow

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Fox Hunting in The Snow

Toilet Signs

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Funny Toilet Signs

Last Moment Shooting

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shooting lion in the last moment

Christmas Shopping

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Christmas Shopping!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was just before Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as
he asked the defendant, "What are you charged with?"

"Doing my Christmas shopping early sir", replied the defendant.

"Well that's not an crime", said the judge! "How early were you
doing this shopping?"

"Before the store opened", answered the prisoner

The Mans wish

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The Mans wish and the Genie

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A guy found a magic lamp and, naturally, he rubbed it. A genie popped out and said, "I'll grant you any wish you want."

The guy thought and thought, and finally gave his answer. "I want to be hard all the time and get all the ass I want."

"As you wish," replied the genie. So the genie turned him into a toilet seat.

Poem of A Woman

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Woman's Poem

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He didn't like the curry
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't prepare the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Isn't there anything I could do
To match his mothers shoe
Then I smiled as I saw light
One thing I could definitely do
I turned around and slapped him tight...
Like his mother used to do....!!

The School Master from Rural Bihar

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 The School Master from Rural Bihar

Deer sur,

If small small mistakes getting inside my letter, I big you pardon, ass I am not a good englis speaker.

This is my fist vijit to Bombai. Stickly speaking, I wanted to joint your school more fastly, but for the following region, too much time lost in getting slipper reservation in three-tyre compartment.

I tolded , I has head ache problem due to migration. Still theclerk rejected to give ticket to I and my sun. I putted a complain on station masterji. He said I to go to the lady clerk. At first she also rejected. I then pressed for long time and finally with great difficulty  she gave a birth to my sun. Anyway I thanked the station master also because he was phully responsible for getting birth of my sun.

Ass a hole it was a bhery diphicult experiment in my hole life. I hope u will look into explain my hole story after, and late me joint first. I am now ending this fastly. I am a waiter for your responsement.

May God blast you!

Yours awfully,
Y.....

First Time In Front of PC after Using Type Writer

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 First Time In Front of PC after Using Type Writer

Cheetah Inside Jeep

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Cheetah poops inside Jeep

Picasso

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Picasso

SWAT team detonates bomb

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SWAT team detonates bomb

Funny Statements

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Funny Statements, English is a Funny Language

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In An Office:
TOILET OUT OF ORDER... PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In A Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT

In A London Department Store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS

In An Factory:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

Outside A Secondhand Shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC. WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Seen During A Conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT, THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice In A Farmer's Field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE, BUT THE BULL CHARGES!

Good Laugh

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GOOD ONE

A true story from the Japanese Embassy in US:
A few years ago, Prime Minister Mori was given some Basic English
Conversation training before he visits Washington and meets with president Bill Clinton.
The instructor told Mori `Prime Minister, when you shake hand with President Clinton, please say "How are you?". Then Mr
Clinton should say, "I am fine, and you?" Now you should say "me too". Afterwards we, translators, will do all the work
for you.`
It looks quite simple, but the truth is.... When Mori met Clinton, he mistakenly said "Who Are You?". Mr Clinton was a
bit shocked but
still managed to react with humour:
"Well, I am Hilary's husband, ha ha..."
Then Mori replied confidently "Me too, ha ha ha.."
Then there was a long silent moment in the meeting room. 

PROVE ME WRONG

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PROVE ME WRONG!  

A South American scientist from Argentina,
after a lengthy study, has discovered that
people with very low intelligence read their
Emails with their hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND

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WITHOUT A GIRLFRIEND

1. You can stare at any Girl.......
2. You don't have to spend money on her.
3. You won't get boring results in ur papers.
4. Having a girlfriend is hot, not having a girlfriend is   automatically cool, and every one to be a cool guy loves .
5. This can be more to life than just waiting for the bloody   phone to ring.
6. You won't have to tolerate someone else defining, "right"   and "wrong" for u.
7. Girlfriend can get so possessive that you can't do anything   according ur wishes anymore.
8. You can buy gifts for mom, dad, sis or grandpa instead of a   girlfriend and have a happier family life.
9. You won't have to waste paper writing love letters. No more endless   waiting for ur date to arrive at some weird
shopplace. 
 10. You can have more friends, as u will have more time for them.
 11. You wont have to tell lie to anybody and, therefore, u'll be sin less.
12. You can have good night's sleep-no need to dream about her.
13.You wont have to fight over having a 'special' freind with ur folks.
  14. No nonstop nonsense.
15. You wont have drown in the pool of her tears.
16. No more tension.   
17. You can be "urself"
18. You wont have to hide your telephone bills...
So Try to AVOID Girl Friends in your Life...!

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION

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New Year's Resolutions For Internet Junkies
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1. I will try to figure out why I *really* need 9 e-mail addresses.

2. I will stop sending e-mail to my wife/husband.

3. I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

4. I will answer my snail mail with the same enthusiasm with which I answer my e-mail.

5. I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

6. I resolve to back up my hard drive daily... well, once a week...okay, monthly then... or maybe...

7. I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.

8. When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

9. I will read the manual... just as soon as I can find it.

10. I will think of a password other than "password."

11. I will stop checking my e-mail at 3:00 in the morning.... naah 4:30 is much more practical.

12. I resolve... I resolve to... I resolve to, uh... I resolve to, uh, get my, er... I resolve to, uh, get my, er, off-line work done, too!

DIFFERENT AGES

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HOW A SON/DAUGHTER THINKS OF HIS/HER DADDY AT DIFFERENT AGES
~~~~~~~~~~~~

At 4 Years
My daddy is great.

At 6 Years
My daddy knows everybody.

At 10 Years
My daddy is good but is short tempered

At 12 Years
My daddy was very nice to me when I was young .

At 14 Years
My daddy is getting fastidious.

At 16 Years
My daddy is not in line with the current times.

At 18 Years
My daddy is becoming increasingly cranky.

At 20 Years
Oh! Its becoming difficult to tolerate daddy.
Wonder how Mother puts up with him.

At 25 Years
Daddy is objecting to everything.

At 30 Years
It's becoming difficult to manage my son.
I was so scared of my father when I was young.

At 40 Years
Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.
Even I should do the same.

At 45 Years
I am baffled as to how my daddy brought us up.

At 50 Years
My daddy faced so many hardships to bring us up.
I am unable to manage a single son.

At 55 Years
My daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us.
He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 Years
My daddy is great.

Thus, it took 56 years to complete the cycle and come back to the first stage.

Christmas Wishes

Your Ad Here

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BRILLIANT- GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN

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BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------

HE: I'm a photographer I've been  looking for a face  like yours! SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been  looking for a  face like yours!!

HE: May I have the pleasure of this  dance? 

SHE: No, I'd like to have some  pleasure too!!!
  

HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? 

SHE: I must have been given your share!!!

HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday? 

SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!

HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out! 

SHE: Okay, get out!!! 

HE: I think I could make you very happy 

SHE: Why? Are you leaving? 

HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me? 

SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!

! 

HE: Can I have your name? 

SHE: Why, don't you already have one?

HE: Shall we go and see a film? 

SHE: I've already seen it!!! 

HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together? 

SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!! 

HE: Where have you been all my life? 

SHE: Hiding from you. 

HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before? 

SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore. 

HE: Is this seat empty? 

SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

HE: So, what do you do for a living? 

SHE: I'm a female impersonator.

HE: Hey baby, what's your sign? 

SHE: Do not enter.